I was talking to my friend yesterday as I went over my notes from The Total Women Conference, the women’s conference at my church. Side note, I never do this, but I figured I should actually try to retain what I learnt and the best way to retain is to teach someone, we also regularly have conversations like this - Context.

And I came to the part about relationships and realized I didn’t have any notes because duh, I have heard things on relationships a thousand times but the speaker mentioned you must heal from trauma before entering a relationship to avoid patterns.

E, my friend mentions she doesn’t have trauma, everything that has happened to her, happened to her for a reason and she would not take it back. And we got talking on the definition of trauma and she laughed at me that I don’t have trauma.

Well in trying to explain to her, I came up with the definition of trauma as being ‘Why did that happen?’

And something happened, I can’t remember the context but she brought up Ahithophel on something else we were talking about and it could only have been the holy spirit because it occured to me that Ahithophel was traumatized.

Something happened to Ahithophel that was outside the world/logic he had constructed and ultimately his mind could not reconcile it and there was no space.

When you have only one source of identity in life, you are extrememly vulnerable to failure and less resilient. A term referred to as self-complexity.

Ahithophel knew he could not be wrong, what he didn’t realize was David didn’t just pray God give us victory from our enemies, David prayed, ‘God turn the counsel of Ahithophel to foolishness.’ This could only have been the holy spirit.

Ahithophel whose whole identity, -oh I remember what made E bring it up, I was talking about how all the fingers are not the same and we have to accept out place in God’s plan. And she brought up how powerful Ahithophel was and he was content and let David be king. But maybe his whole identity was wrapped up in this security he had in his wisdom. He was suddenly made foolish and he had no idea what hit him, there was something he could not reconcile.

When you are looking for God to validate you, and you feel your world model (How I think the world works) crashing. I think is a good definition of trauma. The only way out seems to be through.

PSALM 43
Declare me innocent, O God!
Defend me against these ungodly people.
Rescue me from these unjust liars.
2 For you are God, my only safe haven.
Why have you tossed me aside?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?
3 Send out your light and your truth;
let them guide me.
Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you live.
4 There I will go to the altar of God,
to God—the source of all my joy.
I will praise you with my harp,
O God, my God!

5 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!